What should I do if my parents found out that I smoke? What should I do if my mother found out that I am not a virgin? They carefully monitored the completion of homework

my son (11 years old) smokes

I’m the same, I also smoke when walking with my son

I’m the same, I also smoke when walking with my son Quote

will get mad and stop

if you smoke yourself, the option with a belt will definitely not work 8-) wait until it Parent:,

It’s also not worth it, but still smoking at 11 years old -

try to have a heart-to-heart talk like my dad. explain that he looks stupid with a cigarette, and not at all courageous dntknw

I found out that my son smokes

8-) ayyyy, shame on you and also the mother of the family

I’m the same, I also smoke when walking with my son

my son (11 years old) smokes

She started smoking at about 20 years old. consciously and in adulthood. Now the parents don’t say anything, because the oldest one, I know everything, is the mother herself.

I’m the same, I also smoke when walking with my son

I’m the same, I also smoke when walking with my son Quote

I’m the same, I also smoke when walking with my son Quote

if you smoke yourself, the option with a belt will definitely not work 8-) wait until it

will get mad and stop

It’s also not worth it, but still smoking at 11 years old -

try to have a heart-to-heart talk like my dad. explain that he looks stupid with a cigarette, and not at all courageous dntknw

in principle, the fact that he himself told you everything is already good, i.e. he is ready for dialogue. Discuss this problem calmly with him. The more you yell and forbid, the greater the temptation to do it out of spite. the truism, of course

if you smoke yourself, the option with a belt will definitely not work 8-) wait until it Parent:,

It’s also not worth it, but still smoking at 11 years old -

try to have a heart-to-heart talk like my dad. explain that he looks stupid with a cigarette, and not at all courageous dntknw

in principle, the fact that he himself told you everything is already good, i.e. he is ready for dialogue. Discuss this problem calmly with him. The more you yell and forbid, the greater the temptation to do it out of spite. the truism, of course.

http://eka-mama.ru/forum/part13/topic17637/?PAGEN_1=5

How would you react if you found out that your son smokes?

The other day I saw my husband’s nephew, a 12-year-old boy, smoking a cigarette with friends in a circle.

She didn't say anything to anyone. I just asked my husband what to do? His father and grandfather are very strict, if I tell you, I think they will react harshly. Mom is in another city, and they see each other only during the holidays.

How would you react if you found out that your 12-year-old son smokes?

How to react correctly so that your child does not smoke on the sly?

My own son is growing up. I don't want him to smoke.

no way probably

Well, I’d like to have a conversation, but what should I do... we both smoke.

not the worst thing in life. I would talk, but I wouldn’t “kill” for it. I'm afraid of drugs, but I'm not afraid of cigarettes. My brother smoked from the age of 11 and now he alternates between smoking and quitting, but this did not stop him from becoming a successful person in life)

And a very important point about the boy is whether his parents smoke

This lies on the surface as a goal, but why he cannot gain authority just like that is a completely different question. Followers smoke for company.

This is important about parents from the point of view that a smoker is not initially an authority on healthy lifestyle issues for a teenager)

Not everyone is cut out to be a leader. Otherwise there would be no leaders

I would say such teenagers are in the minority, given the lifestyle of many families)

But I’m not talking about healthy lifestyle as such, but rather about the fact that no one will listen to a smoking parent about the dangers of smoking, and this is logical

The internal state of a teenager very clearly depends on this very social position. And yes, the likelihood that a follower (not an eminence grise, not a loner) will start smoking if he does not fall under the right leader is high.

there is a problem. the mother left with her daughter for another city after the divorce, and the son stayed with his father.

The child should see a psychologist; smoking is already a consequence of underlying causes. And it would be good if things didn’t go any further.

Maybe you can help somehow?

I don’t know whether to postpone

In general, children who are busy with activities/sports have less urge to smoke.

And if parents smoke and their child smokes, then such parents are worthless.

The harms of smoking are already being discussed with my son. Now he goes and reads moral teachings to his grandfather about this)))

Don't even know. But I hope that I will take actions with my mind and not with my emotions.

The first thing that came to my mind was that I would beat my lips so badly that I wouldn’t be able to speak, let alone put a cigarette in my mouth! I have a very negative attitude towards smokers and do not exclude the possibility that I would solve the problem in radical ways.

I definitely wouldn’t yell and punish. The first thing my husband and I did before planning was to quit smoking so that our son would have a positive example before his eyes.

Neither my mother nor my father smoked. She started smoking at the age of 17 and smoked until she was almost 32. For a long time. I want to start having conversations with my daughter about how smoking is not fashionable and not beautiful from an early age. And it will be seen there. My husband and I don't smoke.

At most, she would explain that this will remain with him for the rest of his life if he does not end it now. You can transfer money, what can you do for these amounts?

It’s too early, of course... Just talk. I tried it when I was 16, my mother beat me. Which made me want even more out of a sense of protest.

I fed mine (they were 9 and 12 then) cigarettes. They didn't smoke anymore. When Sasha got married, it was only then that he started smoking. And then he quits. Maybe not smoking for months. But his wife smokes.

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"tells the consequences of parents' excessive care when they raise their children to be delicate orchids, unable to survive in a cruel world without outside help.

Below are seven signs that you were not prepared for life, but were protected from it. If most of the points match, most likely it was much more difficult for you to adapt to adult life than for your free peers.

1. They instilled the idea that you are only safe around them.

Behavior Scenario

Parents are broadly divided into two types. The first ones send you for a walk and until the evening they don’t know where you disappear: on the site in the yard, or in the nearest park, or on an abandoned construction site, or with a book on the porch. The latter control every step of their child.

Concerned parents are understandable. Every day, information appears in the media about some dangerous strangers who kidnap children or track them through the Internet. Or about drivers who can hit a child at a pedestrian crossing and flee the scene. Or about the millions of dangers that await a child beyond the threshold of his home.

Instead of explaining to the child how to avoid or react to danger, parents isolate him from the world.

For example, they are not allowed to go outside unaccompanied. Nowadays, this anxiety has acquired new features: caring mothers and fathers call their children every 15 minutes or track their movements using GPS.

What does this mean in the future?

Julie Lycott-Haims gives an example of this situation: a mother and son are crossing the road. Mom looks left, right, left again and walks forward. Her son follows her, without raising his eyes from his smartphone and without taking out his headphones. Indeed, why look at the road if there is a person nearby who monitors his safety.

In the future, it will be difficult for such a person to cope without outside help. He lacks basic skills - the ability to navigate, notice danger, plan free time. After all, parents have always done such things.

2. They praised you too often

Behavior Scenario

Deserved praise is always good. It doesn’t matter who it is intended for - a child or an adult. But when parents, with tears of delight, shout “well done” and “good girl” to a child who has crookedly drawn a stick figure or brushed his teeth, this is already strange.

What does this mean in the future?

Problems at work. The child develops a strong belief: everything he has done is good. And even many years later, he believes that just because he came to work, he is entitled to a bonus and universal admiration.

Of course, it is important for a child to know that his parents love him. But whether it is necessary to write him a letter of gratitude for each sneeze is another question.

3. They chose the sports section for you

Behavior Scenario

Sometimes parents send their child to school not so that he can have a good and useful time, but so that he can achieve unprecedented heights in sports. To become a tennis player, figure skater, football player or swimmer. Therefore, they choose a specialization in early childhood - this gives them a better chance of success.

What does this mean in the future?

Children love a variety of physical activities: they are ready to swim, run, and jump with equal pleasure. But if you force them to do just one thing, the body will develop unevenly, and the risk of injury will increase.

There are other difficulties. It’s not easy to get into big-time sports, which means you can forget about an ordinary childhood. A child’s life turns into a series of constant training with short breaks for school.

But at every lesson, there are always a couple of loving fans sitting in the stands who praise him, even if he can barely stay on his skates or shoots wide of the goal.

4. They interfered with children's games

Behavior Scenario

Another situation that is more familiar to children today than those who grew up in the 1990s and earlier. These are scheduled games when the child goes to the playground with mom and dad.

Parents make sure that no one quarrels, no one is offended, and that all games are kind and correct. As soon as their child takes someone else’s toy, the parents run to return it and apologize.

Parents are so involved in the process that it seems as if they are on the playground to play with other parents.

What does this mean in the future?

What kind of independence can we talk about when parents set their own rules even in communicating with peers? As an adult, such a person finds it difficult to strike up conversations with strangers or come to a compromise at work.

The playground is the main place where a child learns to communicate. He figures out how to respond to conflict situations. For example, when a toy is taken away, he can take it from the enemy, negotiate an exchange, or simply give it as a gift.

Children should have fun and agree among themselves, even if sometimes it ends in broken noses and knees. No one has ever died from this.

5. They carefully monitored homework completion.

Behavior Scenario

Children's achievements often become a measure of their parents' success. Therefore, they want to get into more than their children.

Preparation for the main exams begins almost in primary school. After school, studying does not end, because the child awaits several hours of tutoring. Specialization, again, is chosen earlier and earlier. Already in grades 6–7, parents determine a profession for a boy or girl and begin to train him intensively.

Which university are they going to send their child to? Of course, to the best one (according to some ratings, the opinion of a neighbor, or whatever you wanted). Therefore, every homework must be done perfectly. Every evening they pore over textbooks with their child, trying to remember forgotten formulas from the school curriculum.

What does this mean in the future?

The author of the book teaches at Stanford, so he knows to what extremes parents' concerns about their children's education reach. Lythcott-Haims recalls sophomore Jamie, whose mother takes great care of her: she wakes her up every morning, reminds her about upcoming assignments and tests, and helps with completion. Jamie always turns in his work on time and is a good student. Or is her mother studying?

The question is when does a person begin to plan tasks, choose a profession, and deal with difficulties. When does he go to work? Or can a child be left alone only in retirement?

6. They did crafts for you at school.

Behavior Scenario

Do you ever get the feeling that school craft competitions are held to test parents' ingenuity? Projects are carried out with such architectural and design precision that there is no doubt that only an adult can do this. All that remains is to give the parent a certificate that no fourth grader did better than him.

What does this mean in the future?

A craft competition is a vanity fair where parents want to demonstrate that their child is creative and talented. True, this creative personality will be lucky if his parents allow him to serve glue.

In fact, competitions are needed so that the child can imagine and work with different materials: from LEGO construction sets to fir cones. This is necessary for the development of fine motor skills, the ability to design and imagine the final result. So who are parents trying to deceive: teachers at school or their child?

No one argues that parents will do it better, because they themselves once learned this. But the habit of doing the child’s work instead of him may not go away in the future.

7. They treat you like a child, even now.

Behavior Scenario

For parents, we are always children. And when kids (who are no longer kids) enter the adult world, the problems only increase. They are decided by elderly parents.

They continue to wake up their children in the morning, prepare lunches, remind them about meetings, fill out housing and communal services receipts, look for a suitable companion or companion, sit with the children... There is no time left for their own lives.

What does this mean in the future?

Overprotection is tiring. And most of all - the parents themselves. Just imagine the stress they have been under since the moment you were born.

Constant physical and emotional overload leads to fatigue, anxiety, and depression. Yes, since they care about you so much, they enjoy raising children. But there is nothing good in the fact that they completely forget about themselves. When children leave their home, it becomes a real blow for caring parents.

Julie Lythcott-Haims, in her book Let Them Go, writes about the harm that parents cause to their children and themselves through excessive overprotection. She also offers alternative methods of education, which are designed to develop independence, confidence, and determination in offspring.

Hello, Anya.

You are in an unpleasant situation, but you should not despair: in fact, nothing terrible happened. Let's talk about everything in more detail.

The gynecologist did the right thing

You were examined by a gynecologist, and you asked him not to tell your mother anything. But were you really convinced that the doctor wouldn’t do this?

The fact is that you have not yet reached 18 years of age. This means that your parents are responsible for you. Therefore, a medical professional has no right to hide the true state of affairs from your mother. Do not be offended by the specialist, but rather deal with the situation that has already arisen.

What to do?

Your mother found out that you lost your virginity. But what exactly are you afraid of? That your parents will start giving you “lectures” on proper behavior with young people? Or will they scold you and even beat you?

The question “what to do?” not entirely appropriate here, because everything has already been done for you. And in the process of talking with your parents, you should behave correctly and correctly.

In any case, you will have to listen to your mother. She is your closest and dearest person who will always worry about you. Therefore, you need to be loyal to her words and not show aggression.

On the contrary, mom should be helped, she needs to be reassured. She needs to make sure that you are okay. After a calm conversation, mom will feel better.

Introduce your family to your boyfriend

Introduce your mother to your boyfriend if this is a serious relationship. This way mom will be convinced of the reliability of your “gentleman” and will calm down.

Invite your partner over for a home-cooked dinner. A pleasant conversation will help defuse the situation and replace the parents’ anger with a friendly disposition.

Get it right mom

Your parents love you and want nothing but the best for you. Therefore, do not take their words with hostility, as many teenagers do: 16 years of age is quite serious, and your parents are still responsible for you.

Tell them how much you love them. Don’t quarrel with them, because in fact there is nothing more valuable than your warm family relationships.

Explain that you have grown

For every mother, the child remains small, regardless of age. Parents often do not notice how their children grow up, so they continue to lecture and worry unnecessarily about them.

Mom can’t hold back her tears, because for her, her daughter will remain tiny at 16 and 30 years old. Parents remember how they didn’t sleep at night waiting for your first teeth, how they worried about your illnesses and childhood problems. Therefore, show leniency towards them. But convey to them that you are a fully formed person and have the right to a private life, and this would happen someday anyway. Say you have no regrets. Do this as gently as possible so that your loved ones do not get offended.

Take your mind off the problem

If you are very worried about this situation, then you should unwind a little. This will put your thoughts in their place, and in the future you will adequately assess the situation.

Think about what interests you most: perhaps you have a particular hobby. Do you like going to the theater? Go to an interesting production. Are you into sports? Spend time doing something you love. In general, rest and begin solving the problem with renewed vigor.

Regards, Tatiana.