How to live if everyone hates you? What to do if they hate you: advice for different areas of life. What to do if everyone hates you? Advice, help and consultations from psychologists

What to do if everyone hates you?

Hello! My name is Sveta, I'm 15 years old.
It so happened that my childhood, and in general at the moment, my life did not work out. I'm generally a loner.
I have an older brother, his name is Sasha (we are 1 year apart). He. "favorite" of the family. Every time his parents forgive him for any mistake, rejoice at all his achievements, pay more attention to him, pamper him. With me, everything is different. It happens more than once, my parents beat me for an absurd deuce, or for a comment about my behavior When I succeeded in something (really, truly succeeded) - my mother and stepfather closed their eyes. They would nod, hum, "uh-huh" and supposedly everything was fine. My mother basically hates me, my stepfather is completely indifferent, he will sit in front of the TV and ask how things are going. my brother has zero for me. When I feel bad, my parents don’t care either.
At school there are, and have not been often, terrible insults directed at me. Sometimes they even hit me. I never had a best friend or any friends at all. Recently a seemingly sweet girl came to our school. On the first day we had a nice conversation, she even gave me a treat. But the next morning, coming to school, this... sweet girl" and my classmates mocked me. They tripped me up, insulted me, and teased me.
Everyone around me hates me. This leads to various depressions and crying at night. Although you can’t even cry normally, it’s as if your mother immediately knocks on the radiator. don’t disturb your sleep." Of course, I’m in a terrible situation, however, I’m not so stupid as to despair of suicide. Although recently I ran away from home, for about 5 days. I went to the dacha. Just so that my beloved parents would at least show maternal and paternal instincts and would simply try to contact me. There were no calls (everything is fine with the connection). After I arrived everything was as usual. They thought I was with a boy. And they began to hate me even more, saying that I ran away to someone without collecting my things. There was hysteria.
All this was reflected in my studies. I only got A's in visual arts - fine arts.
I didn’t really want to contact anyone. And I don’t believe at all that you can help me and get me out of this state. However, I have no one to cry to. Help as much as you can.

First of all, I want to support you and say that your parents are wrong to do this to you. I understand that this will not change them in any way, but you can very well blame them for your problems.

Even though you're only 15, it seems like it's time to grow up and treat yourself and the actions of others like adults. That is, do not blame other people for treating you badly, but ask yourself: “What am I doing to be treated this way?” I’ll try to explain using your letter to us as an example: the essence of your message is that you are turning to us for help, but you don’t believe that they can help here. And this turns people off; you are unlikely to receive many letters. It’s the same in life: you seem to want communication, but you don’t trust people, one way or another letting them understand this. After all, they react aggressively to you for a reason; it means that some of your behavior causes this aggression in them. It's about reasons. What to do about it?

Essentially, you are right. No one but you can help yourself. The only thing a psychologist can do is support you, give you confidence that changes are possible and that this is a lot of work on yourself. We need to change our attitude towards people, despite the fact that the family environment is not conducive to trust and openness. It is best to look for free psychological training for teenagers and learn to communicate with peers in a new way. People can be completely different: friendly, open and kind. Then when you believe in them and in turn become like that. I wish you success and all the best! Sincerely. Yulia Arkadyevna

When everyone hates you, it is very difficult to cope with it. Many people become depressed and despairing when they realize that they are being treated inappropriately. How to change the opinions of others, and what should be done?

Reasons for hatred from others

Very often hatred arises from acquaintances and friends for one simple reason - envy. Of course, many people are envied, especially when everything is going well in their lives, and everything is so bad and unsuccessful for the envious person. In such a situation, there is literally one step from envy to hatred. If others hate a person simply out of envy, you shouldn’t be too upset. Overcoming such obstacles over and over again, a person can achieve what he wants and fulfill all his dreams.

Another reason why human hatred arises is misunderstanding. Very often, creative units are subjected to public pressure, faced with the most ardent manifestations of hatred. If public opinion has such a strong influence, it is worth talking to at least one of those who hate the person. Perhaps such a conversation will help to clarify the reasons for public opinion and find ways to combat it.

Of course, many creative units, on the contrary, try to cause public discontent and hatred with their behavior. The fact is that they consider hatred to be an excellent way of PR. With the help of people's distrust and condemnation, you can attract attention for a very long time. Many artists, singers and writers actively use this. Just remember that popularity, supported only by public attention, is short-lived. It will be difficult to feed universal hatred for a long time, which means that a person will soon lose the sweet rays of glory.

If you are hated, it seems that everyone around you will be happy about the defeat and failure of a person. This is a huge stress, which is incredibly difficult to cope with. Sometimes, due to public condemnation, a person loses his last shreds of self-respect and ceases to believe in his own strength.

The reasons for universal hatred may lie in the wrong behavior of the person himself. For example, he may often tell lies or cause alienation due to his desire to prove his intellectual abilities. Many people are too clever, tell lies and mislead everyone around them, and because of this they are really hated and tried in every possible way to discredit them. Before accusing everyone around you of being biased, you should understand yourself, try to analyze your character and your behavior. What to do if everyone hates you, and because of this it is difficult to find friends and even a job? In such a situation, you should study in detail the features and nuances of your behavior, and also contact a psychologist if the case is completely advanced.

Most often, people can cope with the problem on their own if they have the desire to do so. You shouldn't worry too much about social hatred. It is much more important that in a person’s life there are a couple of people who love him, despite all the mistakes in his behavior. The love of these people is more important than the condemnation and hatred of millions of others.

What to do if they hate you is an incredibly difficult question. Psychologists are developing a lot of programs with the help of which a person can become the favorite of any team. Before starting to implement this or that program, it is worth using the simplest method to combat universal hatred. This method is called “looking from the outside.”

All you need to do is make an appointment with the person who has always been rude and hateful. In a restrained tone, it is worth asking him what the mistakes of behavior are, whether it is possible to find the reasons for universal hatred. If such a problem arose at work, you can get the opinion of several team members. If there is a specific reason for universal hatred, they will definitely name it. This could be a lie in which a person was caught, arrogant behavior, and so on. If team members do not name one specific problem and speak in general terms, then their hatred may consist of elementary envy. Nothing can be done here. They usually envy the best, those who succeed in all spheres of life. If the reason for universal hatred lies precisely in envy, then we need to rejoice!

What to do if you are hated at school or university? If the dislike of peers concerns only the curriculum, then the reason for the hatred may again be envy. Most often, those students who are hated are the ones who always do well in their studies and are the favorites of the teachers. Of course, they often don’t like those students who often jump out of their seats and become clever. Here it is important to begin to control yourself and answer only when a person is completely confident in the answer.

Quite often, school or student groups do not like students who put themselves above others, try to be responsible for everyone, and so on. You need to restrain yourself in such situations, be guided by the principle that all students are in equal positions and should have equal chances of answering. Here it is also better to talk with the entire team and find out their opinion about the current problem. If you approach a problem situation rationally, you can overcome all difficulties and become the soul of the team.

What to do if they hate you but don’t say anything to your face. Very often in a team they are embarrassed to say in person about their unfriendly attitude. However, this is felt in behavior, in spreading rumors behind one’s back, and so on. Of course, it can be very difficult to tolerate such behavior, and it is better for a person to immediately deal with the problem. Perhaps he once accidentally uttered an unflattering phrase or somehow joked incorrectly, and now, because of this, everyone is prejudiced against him. Having dealt with the situation, you will be able to correctly and correctly resolve it in your favor. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding among the team members, which gave rise to hatred.

Sometimes a person feels hatred and prejudice from a group of friends. Perhaps they suddenly begin to communicate with a narrow circle of acquaintances, without inviting the person to general parties and events. The company may also start spreading unflattering rumors, which will only prove their hatred. In this situation, you should think not about how to regain the company's favor, but rather about whether such people are needed by the person. When people, after a few moments of friendship, begin to hate you, this indicates their low personal qualities. Despite all the mistakes in life, friends should understand and support each other. This is the same reliable, vital rear that should not fail in any circumstances. If friends suddenly begin to hate someone, it means that the person does not need such friends. It is better to find a company where a person will always be supported and understood.

Sometimes general condemnation is caused by mistakes in your personal life. For example, if a girl starts cheating on her boyfriend and his friends find out about it, she may face universal condemnation. The girl must either come to terms with this state of affairs and not pay attention to it, or try to explain herself. Sometimes it is very difficult to cope with temptation and give up cheating. If it was a momentary mistake, then friends must understand and forgive each other. If the previous relationship did not suit the person much, then this could become an objective reason for betrayal. Having explained things to acquaintances and friends, a person will resolve the problem in his favor and show his own adult attitude towards life.

When everyone around you hates you, it seems that finding a job or organizing your personal life is simply impossible. Often, universal hatred is only a product of a person’s low self-esteem. Due to life problems or a bad childhood, a person believes that he is not worthy of a better attitude towards himself. Moreover, he thinks that everyone around him condemns him, considers him a worthless worker and an uninteresting interlocutor. As a result, self-esteem slides even lower, and all the people around seem to specifically treat the person with skepticism and deliberate hatred.

Of course, these are just stupid prejudices. They can't just hate everyone around them. Most likely, a person screws himself up because of unnecessary complexes and far-fetched shortcomings. To cope with such a specific attitude, you need to consult a psychologist. He will tell you how to overcome the problem and regain love for yourself. When a person loves himself, and people around him begin to treat him better. In such a person you feel confidence and good spirits, he is independent and free, you want to communicate with him. A psychologist will definitely suggest ways to combat low self-esteem. There are many options here, from self-impact on self-esteem to professional intervention.

Sometimes a person thinks that any mistake he makes becomes a reason for hatred from others, although no one even pays attention to it. This is also a product of low self-esteem, which should be addressed immediately. If a person is so insecure, he will never be happy in the future. That is why, for the sake of your own happiness and well-being, you need to start an active fight against your own complexes and cockroaches now.

Quite often people are tortured by hatred and basic indifference. By the way, living with indifference is much more difficult, because it seems that a person is unworthy of any reaction, whether positive or negative. It is important here to draw boundaries and boundaries between hatred and indifference. If everyone around is indifferent to a person, then this is even more difficult, because people, most likely, do not experience absolutely any emotions. If a person does not evoke any emotions in those around him, then he is boring, uninteresting, passive. It is almost impossible to cope with such a reaction from others. It is much easier to fight hatred, even in its most extreme situations. That is why there is no need to despair at manifestations of universal hatred. There are a huge number of ways to combat general dislike. A person can qualitatively solve all the problems associated with hatred in a team and become the soul of the company. He just needs to make a little effort and regain public trust and love.

Generalizations and conclusions

It is sometimes easier to win back the favor of a crowd than one person. If you want everyone around you to stop hating you and suddenly love you, it’s worth putting at least some effort into it. For example, you can work on your behavior, think about the mistakes that were made. Sometimes a person himself does not notice how he begins to introduce himself incorrectly. He speaks too pretentiously, lies too openly and tells everyone about it.

You can restore everyone's goodwill with the help of basic psychological advice. In most cases, they very effectively fight against the dislike of society. Psychologists advise listing on a piece of paper your possible shortcomings that may cause public dislike. Next, it’s worth analyzing them and deciding how to deal with them.

You can also ask advice from others, find out why they have dislike and condemnation. It is possible that prejudice can be overcome, but to do this you need to work on your character. The main thing to remember is that there are no insurmountable problems, especially for those people who want to develop and change.

Dealing with hatred is not at all difficult, unlike general indifference. By making at least a minimum of effort and working on his character, a person can change his own destiny for the better.

Hatred is a strong feeling, it does not arise spontaneously, it is impossible not to notice it, and it is very difficult to get rid of it. Another thing is that people often experience completely different feelings, calling them hatred.

How to tell if someone hates you

In fact, most people are capable of subconsciously feeling the hatred experienced by another person. It is reflected in your attitude towards you, in every gesture and look. Therefore, it makes sense to turn to nonverbal communication. See if the person makes eye contact and how they talk to you. If your jaw is clenched during a conversation, and your smile (if there is one) looks strained, you can make a preliminary conclusion that they at least dislike you. At the same time, they say that the words of these people are literally saturated with poison, they speak harshly, rudely, even if they say completely neutral things.

Causes

A separate topic is manifestations of hostility on the part of a group of people. Here it must be said that collectively people do not like those who deviate from general ideas about how a representative of a certain society should look, behave and think. The underlying reasons may be envy, which arises if a person stands out in talent or appearance among others or, for example, dissatisfaction with behavior (admit to yourself whether you have ever offended people, ridiculed or set them up in some way).

What to do to correct the situation

When you have decided on the reasons for hatred, you need to determine a strategy for behavior in this situation. In fact, there are several ways to respond to hostility:

1. Ignoring. You leave everything as it is and simply do not pay attention to the current situation. Such an attitude is possible if the hostility of this person (people) does not affect you and does not at all interfere with effective interaction.
2. Confrontation. You also begin to hate and do everything to harm. Life according to the principle of “blood for blood.”
3. Conformism. You try with all your might to please people who dislike you, curry favor with them.
4. Cooperation. In this case, it will be expressed in the fact that you admit your wrongdoings if you are really guilty, and your “enemy” does the same, and in the future you are in the relationship in which you are comfortable (it is not necessary to start loving each other).

Of course, from the point of view of psychological health and constructive behavior, the latter method is considered the most suitable. However, no one obliges you to start a dialogue right now. To begin with, you can tune in positively towards the person, for this you can try to say a few affirmations, and stop feeling disgusted towards him. You will see that gradually his attitude towards you will change.

It should be pretty obvious when someone hates you, right? But before you enter into a real conflict, make sure that someone's hatred is sincere. These steps will help you determine if someone hates you.

Steps

Think back to the last social event you attended with this person and ask yourself the following questions: “Did he say anything rude, disparaging, or demeaning to me?” “Was he irritated by the fact that I was talking to him?” “Does he feel more contempt for me than mercy?” If you answered “yes” to all of these questions, then this person probably hates you, but read on to be one hundred percent sure. Relationships are rarely simple.

Notice how he behaves. If he feels comfortable and comfortable only in your surroundings, then there is a chance that he does not feel contempt for you. For some reason, he is probably simply ashamed to openly communicate with you in the company of his friends. Test his behavior in different environments. Perhaps there is no hatred as such; rather, he is biased and imaginary towards you.

Does he act up a lot? If he treats you well one day and badly the next, and other people treat you without respect when they are in a bad mood, then this person is simply capricious, and he has chosen you as an easy target for expressing his flirtatiousness .

Are you an intentional victim? Don't become a victim. Unless you have done something bad to this person, there is no reason on earth why you deserve punishment from him. Therefore, address him directly and loudly in front of everyone else next time. Don’t take a defensive posture, act fragile: “Why does it seem like that to you? This dress belonged to my mother, she died exactly a year ago.” After this, even if he hates you, no one around him will share his point of view in the future. If you have somehow offended this person, then approach him and ask for forgiveness. Nothing will happen to you if you admit your mistake. If you can't be friends, then at least agree not to treat each other badly.

• Don't try to please everyone. You will always have friends and family, but not everyone will like you, and not everyone will like you.
• Don't let him influence you badly due to hatred or anything else.
• Make sure this person really hates you before you do anything.
• Don't create drama.

Warnings

• Don't pay too much attention to him. If he hates you, then even so, perhaps he is simply not worthy of your friendship.
• Don't start arguing for no particular reason. If possible, avoid any confrontation.
• Don't let anyone's hatred encroach on the peace of your heart. Forgive and forget.

Misanthropy is slow suicide.

(Friedrich Schiller)

Hatred is a strong feeling of dislike for another person, oneself, dissatisfaction with life or circumstances. People are capable of hating both their own body and the entire world around them. The most powerful and destructive feeling is hatred of one’s own kind.

Sometimes hatred arises at one moment as a result of some actions or statements of another person, sometimes anger accumulates for years, eventually turning into a burning, irresistible feeling that is almost impossible to cope with.

Hatred is a destructive feeling. It gives people a lot of energy, which cannot be directed towards anything positive. Hatred craves ruins and scorched earth, the grief of others.
Hatred primarily harms the one who hates. The hater is exposed to its destructive effects. Many illnesses, both physical and mental, are caused by this terrible feeling.

Judge for yourself, huge negative energy literally bursts inside you at the sight of the object of your anger or even the mention of it. At the same time, you most often cannot show your emotions in all their intensity, you have to restrain yourself. Where does the energy go? That's right, it penetrates inside, destroying everything in its path.

Feeling that it is impossible to live like this anymore, people begin to think about how to stop hating. Hatred will not go away on its own; this must be firmly understood. To cure hatred you need to work for a long time, every day, every hour. If you are a believer, turning to God and confessing will help.

Often people think that stop hating they can only if the hated person dies. But this rarely brings relief. Having learned that the person for whom they grew hatred and cherished them for dear years has died, they relax and realize that they even feel sorry for him. The grievances seem small and insignificant. And then a person has, after spending half his life in hatred, to spend the second half tormented by a feeling of guilt.

Meanwhile, having spent a lot of time hatching plans for revenge or simply constantly thinking about the object of hatred, from this very object, the hater simply loses the meaning in life. No matter how scary it sounds, this really happens.
Therefore, if you experience such feelings, you need to try with all your might from him, stop hating.

Without claiming the laurels of a specialist psychologist, I still want to give some advice, or rather, even indicate the direction in which you should try to move. At one time, this method helped me too.

How to stop hating. Step One: Find the Reason

Hatred cannot arise out of nowhere, although sometimes when asked why we hate a person, we can answer that we are annoyed by his very presence on earth, we hate him simply because he exists.

In fact, there is a reason for hatred and it is extremely specific. Another thing is that it can be completely insignificant, and over time we can even forget about it. But the anger will remain. Often it is the understanding of the insignificance of the reason that helps a person stop hating.

Maybe the person you hate said or did something that made you angry and completely rejected you. Or maybe you hate your boss who pesters you every day with nagging. Or is it a relative of your husband or friend (whom you cannot refuse to meet) who behaves completely unacceptable to you? Find out the reason and it will be easier for you to take the next step.

How to stop hating. Step two: put yourself in his shoes

The other person, as surprising as it may sound, may not even be aware of your hatred. He may do something without knowing how it affects you. Moreover, those around you are not even aware of your attitude towards him. Why would they suspect something was wrong if you are overly kind and attentive to the object of your hatred? It is the hated person who causes us increased attention and the desire to be pleasant. After all, our goal is to hide our feelings and not allow emotions to break through.

As a result, we get what we get. All you need to do is talk to this person, ask him to change his behavior, think about his statements. How many internal conflicts have been resolved in this way!

But it also happens that, putting yourself in his place, you understand that he does nasty things, in your understanding, only out of a desire to annoy you. He is well aware of your feelings and makes you angry so that he can enjoy the manifestation of your emotions or watch with pleasure your attempts to suppress them in yourself.

Why is he doing this? Yes, simply because he likes it. Apparently there are some reasons, most often complexes, that prevent him from establishing normal contacts with people, or attracting attention to his person in some other way.

Maybe you hate the person who did a bad thing. Think about why the person did or is doing this. Did he do something terrible? What would you do in his place? Do you think you could have done the same in a similar situation? Maybe you will understand that an unsightly act is simply a manifestation of the weakness of that person.

So I bring you to the next step.

How to stop hating. Step Three: Try to Forgive

As we have seen, nasty actions and words are most often caused by the fact that a person is weak and follows his own weakness. No matter how insidious he may look, this is most often a weakness.

It is this thought that should help you forgive him and calm down. It’s easy to say: “Forgive!”, but how to do this if you hate with all your heart? If the mere thought of this person tightens the stomach, it is impossible to eat or sleep, and yet thoughts constantly revolve around the object of hatred.

There is one simple exercise that can help you. The main idea is that every person has a soul. She is innocent and beautiful, like a child. So imagine this person in the form of a small child. It may be difficult, but at this stage you should not feel any contradiction. After all, the object of your anger was once really a baby, he had a loving mom and dad, he was naive and touching.

Imagine that this child continues to live inside this person. He is scared and unhappy, he closes his eyes every time the “master” says nasty things to you or provokes you. Have pity, let him know in your voice, intonation, that you know about him, feel sorry for him, and are ready to support him.

This doesn't mean that when an unpleasant person appears, you should approach him, knock on his chest and say something like, “Hey, kid, I know you're there.” No, just talk to the person as you would talk to a child. Don’t be fooled by provocations, take pity on his little pure soul instead of hating him.

To many, this exercise may seem stupid and useless. That is until you try. I used this technique on myself at one time. The hatred for the man was so strong that I even began to treat his relatives badly because they tolerated him and even managed to love him.

The object of my hatred harmed me, said nasty things, did dirty tricks. Moreover, he didn’t even enjoy his victories, he didn’t care, he just believed that he had the right to do this, well, simply because he didn’t like me.

Only after understanding the situation, highlighting specific reasons, finding out what exactly supports my hatred and trying to understand why he behaves this way, I saw what reasons he had (albeit unfair, but understandable), I understood why he does this (simply because other methods are not available to him, as he is the easiest to do). I was able to forgive him for his own imperfections, stupid complexes, I was even able to regret it.

The process was slow, it was quite difficult, but I tried to perceive the person as a kind of experimental object, to distract myself from my hostility at least for a while. Then I was able to see the baby in him and talk only to him.

As a result, we have had peaceful relations for the last few years. The man stopped plotting and saying nasty things and even treats me with some warmth. I didn’t love him with all my soul, it’s simply impossible, but I perceive him normally, without anger or hostility, and I don’t grit my teeth when he comes to my house.

I don’t claim that this method is a panacea, but in not too advanced cases, with your strong desire, of course, it can work. I really hope it helps someone stop hating, and there will be one less hater in the world.

If you cannot cope with yourself, and your hatred is so great that you cannot tame it for a while in order to at least analyze the situation impartially, it is probably better to turn to a specialist.

Alexandra Panyutina
Women's magazine JustLady

Hello, new day... a day that again does not bode well, because again you have to go out, go to work, school or just to run errands. It seems that there is nothing unusual here, because all people live this way. It's just these same people who hate you.

Wherever you go, no matter what team you join, everywhere you are subjected to aggression, attacks and mockery. Of course, under such circumstances, every day literally turns into torture, because you constantly have to interact with people who are trying to harm you.

It’s hard and scary to live when you feel like a victim among people.

And over time, everything only gets worse. People’s attitudes don’t change, but you sink deeper and deeper into the abyss of fear. It is becoming increasingly difficult to leave the house. And the most unfair thing here is that you yourself never wanted and could not harm anyone! You cannot understand why the world is so cruel and why exactly everyone despises you so much.

The answer to these questions is given by System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Who becomes the object of other people's hostility?

At a time when in primitive society some men went hunting, while others remained in the cave to guard women and children, skin-visual boys simply did not survive, as they were considered unnecessary ballast. The psyche of such men is not intended for either the first or the second task. The visual vector gives a person special emotionality and sensuality, so that he becomes incapable of any violence. And whoever doesn’t work is eaten. This principle existed in primitive society. The hostility towards skin-visual men comes from there.

While all other men have formed their own clear specific role, the skin-visual boy is only now working on its formation in such areas as culture and art. Dancers, actors, theater and film performers, catwalk models—everywhere a man with a cutaneous-visual ligament of vectors is involved. Therefore, outside the context of the creative field of activity, other people may perceive him as a person without rank.

Victim complex

This is especially true for skin-visual boys, because they are very vulnerable and emotional from childhood, which contradicts generally accepted stereotypes about masculinity.

Often, when raising such children, parents try to make “real men” out of them, forbid them to cry, show feelings, send them to martial arts classes, or, even worse, beat, humiliate and insult them. The child remains in a state of fear. And having a huge emotional amplitude and not having learned empathy, the little spectator will be filled with a single emotion - fear.

At the same time, owners of the skin vector adapt most quickly to everything new, to any changes. The skin is their sensitive sensor, so their pain threshold is very low. When a child with the cutaneous vector is abused for a long time, he adapts the pain, the body begins to produce natural endorphins to extinguish the suffering. Over time, he becomes dependent on these endorphins and unconsciously begins to provoke his parents, and then other people, to violent actions.

Consciously, you can try with all your might to avoid dangerous situations and what you are afraid of, but our principle of receiving pleasure is unconscious, so in a victimized state you always find yourself in situations where you find yourself a victim.

In addition, a person in such a state secretes special pheromones of fear, and therefore unconsciously attracts precisely undeveloped people prone to physical or verbal violence.

When you understand your psyche and the psyche of other people from the inside, any phobias and fears go away, including the primitive fear of being eaten by a cannibal.

Thousands of people who have completed the training confirm this with their reviews, here's what they say:

“...I had quite a lot of fears. One of the strongest fears people had was social phobia.
Going out, going to the nearest store, talking on the phone, live communication, making new acquaintances, crossing the street through a traffic light, traveling on public transport, a crowd passing by caused strong internal anxiety and colossal stress in me with the feeling that just a little more and I'll explode.
Now, after almost two years, I don’t feel that former horror of people, I can calmly go out into the street, use public transport, talk on the phone and do many other things without wasting too much time and effort on thinking about and overcoming my fear...”
Ural K., process engineer, Ufa

“...Because of my fears, I quit studying. I felt uncomfortable being around people. It seemed to me that they were all looking at me and finding something bad in me. It was driving me crazy.
Already during the training, all sorts of psychological “anchors” that I had “earned” throughout my life began to disappear. After the training, the depression and thoughts of suicide that had been with me for about three years disappeared.
I finally began to live with ease: a burden was lifted from me that was not allowing me to live. I started going out and started doing something...”
Andrey T., social worker Krasnoyarsk

The article was written using materials

Hello, dear readers! Interaction between people does not always go smoothly. A person is multifaceted and can experience a huge number of emotions and feelings towards his interlocutor, ranging from love to fierce hatred. Today I would like to talk to you about how to communicate with a person who hates you. What to do if such a situation arose at work or hatred settled in the family?

Your attitude

To begin with, let's immediately stipulate that there is no such person on Earth who is loved by everyone. As my classmate once said, “I’m not a dollar to please everyone.”

A person has such emotions and feelings as envy, jealousy, anger, irritability, etc. All of this can lead to hatred directed at you, at me, or at my upstairs neighbor. What feeling does a person have towards his neighbor when he wakes up early in the morning to the noise of a hammer drill? Definitely not joy and love.

Sometimes we ourselves become the cause of negative emotions from others. But more often than not, other people's emotions are beyond our influence and arise subconsciously.

One client of mine struggled with feelings of irritability. She could easily be irritated by simply smiling, which she considered inappropriate. The person simply could not tolerate it when something happened around her that was not according to her plan. After a lot of work, she and I reached a completely new level. Now she does not experience negative emotions as strongly as before and tries to pay attention to the good moments in every situation.

Yes, we cannot change another person, but we can change ourselves. Therefore, it depends on you how you will relate to the hatred of others. Take it personally, get upset and withdraw into yourself, or ignore it and continue living your happy life.

I want to offer you Dale Carnegie's book " How to stop worrying and start living" In it you can find interesting and useful information that will help you deal with such situations.

Now let's talk about how to behave with people when you feel hatred towards yourself.

Colleagues

The first thing I want to draw your attention to is that people work at work, earn money, and improve their skills. This is not a place where the first priority is building relationships with people. I won’t argue, the atmosphere in the team is important for the competent work of the organization.

How can you work calmly when your colleague hates you? It all comes down to how you feel about this situation, what outcome you want to achieve and whether this person is important to you.

Let's start with a situation where you are not going to continue communicating outside of work and this person's opinion is not very important to you.

In this case, you need to encounter as little as possible a person who gives off negative emotions. Communicate only on work matters, respecting the chain of command. And if you are a boss, then demand that your subordinates do their work. If you are a subordinate, then calmly carry out your duties.

In another case, if the opinion of a colleague is important to you, the first thing you can do is try to find out where such violent emotions towards you come from. One of my clients told an interesting story.

At work, a colleague described her boss’s daughter as the most terrible person on the planet. Subconsciously, my client adopted these emotions without even meeting the girl herself. When the boss's daughter got a job, as you may have guessed, my client hated her with all her heart. But in the end it turned out that the girl was very smart, sociable and not at all like what they said about her.

Sometimes hatred is imposed from the outside. But this is only one of the reasons. Colleagues may hate a person who took over from a former friend who was unfairly fired. So if attitude at work is important to you, you might want to find out why. And then think about how to eliminate it.

Relatives

By relatives I mean all the close people who surround us. This could be a friend or a friend. What to do when you feel hatred from a loved one?

To begin with, I suggest talking and establishing the reason. This is always the first step towards a solution. You need to talk calmly, without raising your voice, listening to your interlocutor. Even if unfounded accusations are thrown at you, hold on and don’t be indignant.

Your task is to understand where negative emotions come from.

Man is a creature who loves his imagination very much. We invent a lot of things for ourselves, invent them, draw them in our heads, and then pass them off as reality. How often does this happen:

- Darling, are you offended? — the man notices a sharp change in his wife’s mood.
“No,” she answers dryly through clenched teeth.
“I see you’re not looking at me, your eyebrows are furrowed,” he noticed signs of resentment.
“Go and talk to that girl,” the woman snorts rudely.
- With what other girl? - the man is surprised.
“Who devoured you with her huge eyes,” she begins to raise her tone.
- What are you talking about, anyway? - his misunderstanding becomes even greater.
— When we were in the store, and the saleswoman knocked out a check for you.
- Was it a girl? - He didn’t even remember who served them, because at that time he was thinking about an urgent report at work, which he couldn’t submit on time.

One of the simplest and most common examples of how a person himself saw something, thought, decided and presented his thoughts as reality. Likewise, hatred can be cultivated on one’s own thoughts and guesses. Therefore, let the person speak, try to hear everything he has to say.

Draw a conclusion from all his accusations and attacks. What exactly hurt your loved one, why did he start behaving this way, what influenced his opinion of you.

Once you find the reason, you can calmly explain to the person that everything looks different. The only way to solve the problem is to talk.

If you can’t cope on your own, be sure to consult a psychologist. He will help you understand your attitude to the situation, tell you how to act and how you can overcome this period in your life.

I bring to your attention two articles that may be extremely useful for you: “” and “”.

We choose with whom we communicate, how to behave, and interact with others. Hatred is a very strong feeling. It eats a person from the inside, does not allow him to breathe freely and fills all those places that could be full of happiness and joy. You can help the person get rid of this overwhelming feeling.

Love yourself and be happy!

Question to a psychologist

Hello! My name is Sveta, I'm 15 years old.
It so happened that my childhood, and in general at the moment, my life did not work out. I'm generally a loner.
I have an older brother, his name is Sasha (we are 1 year apart). He is the “favorite” of the family. Every time his parents forgive him for any mistake, rejoice at all his achievements, pay more attention to him, pamper him. With me everything is different. It happens more than once, my parents beat me for an absurd deuce, or for a remark on about behavior. When I succeeded in something (really, truly succeeded) - my mother and stepfather would close their eyes. They would nod, hum, “uh-huh” and supposedly everything was fine. My mother basically hates me, my stepfather is completely indifferent, he will sit in front of the TV and ask How is my brother doing, zero for me. When I feel bad, my parents don’t care either.
At school there are, and have not been often, terrible insults directed at me. Sometimes they even hit me. I never had a best friend or any friends at all. Recently a seemingly sweet girl came to our school. On the first day we had a nice conversation, she even gave me a treat. But the next morning, when this sweet girl and my classmates came to school, they mocked me. They tripped me up, insulted me, and teased me.
Everyone around me hates me. This leads to various depressions and crying at night. Although you can’t even cry normally, as soon as your mother knocks on the radiator, don’t disturb your sleep." Of course, I’m in a terrible situation, however, I’m not so stupid as to despair of suicide. Although I recently ran away from home, for about 5 days. I left for dacha. Just so that my beloved parents would show at least maternal and paternal instincts and would simply try to contact me. There were no calls (everything is fine with the connection). After I arrived everything was as usual. They thought I was with a boy. And they began to hate me even more, saying that I ran away to someone without collecting my things. There was hysteria.
All this was reflected in my studies. I only got A's in visual arts - fine arts.
I didn’t really want to contact anyone. And I don’t believe at all that you can help me and get me out of this state. However, I have no one to cry to. Help as much as you can.

Hello, Sveta!

First of all, I want to support you and say that your parents are wrong to do this to you. I understand that this will not change them in any way, but you can very well blame them for your problems.

Even though you're only 15, it seems like it's time to grow up and treat yourself and the actions of others like adults. That is, do not blame other people for treating you badly, but ask yourself: “What am I doing to be treated this way?” I’ll try to explain using your letter to us as an example: the essence of your message is that you are turning to us for help, but you don’t believe that they can help here. And this turns people off; you are unlikely to receive many letters. It’s the same in life: you seem to want communication, but you don’t trust people, one way or another letting them understand this. After all, they react aggressively to you for a reason; it means that some of your behavior causes this aggression in them. It's about reasons. What to do about it?

Essentially, you are right. No one but you can help yourself. The only thing a psychologist can do is support you, give you confidence that changes are possible and that this is a lot of work on yourself. We need to change our attitude towards people, despite the fact that the family environment is not conducive to trust and openness. It is best to look for free psychological training for teenagers and learn to communicate with peers in a new way. People can be completely different: friendly, open and kind. Then when you believe in them and in turn become like that. I wish you success and all the best! Sincerely. Yulia Arkadyevna