A disabled person and his family, or the unforgivable mistakes that our loved ones make. Leave cannot be given away: if a loved one becomes disabled, how to help him and save yourself

Acquired or chronic disability is always a big problem. Despite the fact that about 20% of the world's population are disabled, society primarily creates conditions for those who do not have disabilities. However, you can make your life easier and happier by following some recommendations, no matter where you live or what kind of lifestyle you lead. You need to rebuild yourself emotionally and physically, and then you will be able to live your normal life, despite your physical disability.

Steps

Part 1

1. Accept your situation. Perhaps the most difficult thing to accept is your forecast for the future. Although there is always hope for recovery, if you hate your current condition, it will be much more difficult for you to recover and remain optimistic. You need to come to terms with your current state and the likelihood of future events. This will give you the strength to concentrate on improving your quality of life and will not allow you to worry about the existing state of things.

   • Don't confuse acceptance with laziness. Acceptance means you fully understand the situation, but still have the opportunity to work to improve it.
   • Don't deny or ignore your disability - this will make things more difficult emotionally and physically.

2. Don't dwell on the past. If you have become disabled as a result of an accident or illness, you may find it difficult to accept that you are not the same person as you were before. Let go of the past and embrace the present. There is no need to completely erase from your memory what happened before, but you shouldn’t think about the past with despair. Enjoy the memories, but don't let them pull you back. Always strive forward to improve the situation.

   • It's okay to reminisce from time to time, but don't let those images get you down.
   • If you find yourself spending the entire night thinking about your old life, you might want to keep yourself busy with something that will allow you to make plans for the future.

3. Try not to lose optimism. In difficult circumstances, optimists fare much better than those who are cynical about their lives. The desire to always be positive, even in difficult situations will have beneficial effect to your soul and physical state. Look at things optimistically, even if this expression seems hackneyed. It is impossible for external factors and events affected your ability to feel happy. You are responsible for your own happiness, and if you don't do it, you may never find it.

   • Strive to see the good in every situation, even if it is something very small. For example, if old friends stop talking to you, the good thing is that you have learned that they were never friends in the first place.
   • If you feel like saying something negative, stop yourself. An elastic band on the wrist helps many people: when they experience bad thoughts, they pull back and release the rubber band to motivate themselves to think positively.

4. Don't isolate yourself. If you are depressed, you may want to avoid people and social situations. This may be enough of an excuse for not seeing friends, family, or doing the things you enjoyed. But you need the opposite. Take every opportunity to get out of the house and participate in something new. Chat with friends, meet with different people, with relatives, find new hobbies. You will feel much happier if you do things you enjoy with loved ones.

   • Spending time alone is not the same as self-isolation. Make time to be alone, but don't be alone all the time.
   • Promise yourself to meet with a close friend or relative every week. Even if you are busy, you will always have a reason to go outside the house and chat with a nice person.

5. Focus on your strengths. A disability can make you see all your shortcomings and forget your abilities. Instead of thinking about what you can no longer do, do what you are good at. Try to develop your skills. If you can't write because your hand is shaking, try painting unusual pictures with your hand. There will always be something that you will be good at, and you should do these things as often as possible.

   • When talking about your disability, don't focus on what you can no longer do. Always talk about what you are good at first.
   • Enroll in courses that will allow you to develop your abilities and talents.

6. Consider seeing a therapist. Although the thought of having to tell a stranger about everything secret can be frightening, it is the psychotherapist who can ease the period of adaptation to the new state. Psychologists are trained to work with people who have suffered the mental and emotional trauma that often accompanies disability. Such a specialist will offer you everything possible to make it easier for you to cope with this injury. Find a therapist who specializes in disabilities and make an appointment. Regular conversations with a psychotherapist will help you get rid of even psychological problems not related to disability.

   • If you have an emotional problem or mental illness related to disability, a psychotherapist will be able to prescribe treatment.
   • Be open when discussing your problems with your therapist. The more honesty you have, the more beneficial your conversations will be.

7. Attend group meetings. Group therapy for people with disabilities is not only great way cope with emotional problems, but also meet people who find themselves in the same situation as you. Such therapy may seem like a waste of time, but it has been proven that people who attend such meetings adapt to new conditions faster. Find out if such therapy is available in your city, and try to choose a group that includes people with the same disabilities as yours.

   Part 2

   Physical restructuring

   1. Don't be shy to ask for help. One of the significant difficulties that a person with a disability faces is the need to ask for help. Although asking can be difficult and awkward, it is still worth doing. Know what you can do on your own, but don't go overboard. If you try your best to do something yourself rather than ask for help, you can get seriously hurt. Don't be shy about asking for help. Just because someone helps you doesn't mean you're worthless.

      • Ask to arrange for you ongoing care, if necessary.
      • Get a guide dog if you need one.

   2. Explore government support programs. Living with a disability isn't easy, but you don't have to face it alone. If your disability has a significant impact on your daily life, you should contact government and charitable organizations. Connect with social workers and find out what programs you can participate in and what they offer.

      • Remember that many programs require multiple tests to verify your disability, so don't be offended if you are asked to bring a report from another doctor.
      • Look for charities that provide assistance to people with your disability.

   3. Get a companion dog. A dog solves two problems: it can help you complete a task that you are not able to handle on your own, and it can provide you with company, relieving you of loneliness and depression. If your disability prevents you from performing everyday tasks on your own, you may want to consider having a special dog. The dog will help you at any time, and you will not depend on other people.

      • It is quite possible that in your city there is Government program or there is a charitable organization that can help you purchase a dog.
      • Many disabled people are on the waiting list, so it is likely that you will not be able to get a dog quickly.

   4. If possible, continue doing what you were doing before. If you stop doing what brings you pleasure, you will only feel worse. Don't abandon your previous hobbies and interests. If you are no longer good at something, try to find new ways to do what you did before. For example, if you used to enjoy reading but now can't do it, try listening to audiobooks. If you currently use a wheelchair, but previously loved sports, become a member special team for wheelchair users.

      • Try to pick up new hobbies.
      • New hobbies through taking courses are a great way to expand your social circle and do what you enjoy.

   5. Look after your overall health. Healthy eating and regular physical exercise They are useful for everyone, but they are especially important for people who are adjusting to life with a disability. Eat regularly and include plenty of fruits and vegetables in your diet. Exercise physical exercise daily, taking into account your mobility. Controlling your diet and exercising will reduce the risk of developing depression and relieve feelings of loneliness, since both increase the level of dopamine and serotonin (happiness hormones) in the brain.

      • Exercise if necessary physical therapy every day.
      • Consult your doctor before making significant changes to your diet.
      • Regular exercise will help strengthen the muscles that will allow you to cope with your disability.

   6. Find a job that matches your abilities. A disability may prevent you from being able to work in your previous position or perform the tasks you previously performed. To continue making money and keeping yourself busy, you should find new job, which will allow you to achieve success despite your disability. Make a list of things you are good at and positions where you can use those skills. Look for such a job in your city. Remember that you cannot refuse a job to a disabled person unless the disability affects the ability to cope with work responsibilities.

      • Some employers provide accommodation for disabled people if they have the opportunity.
      • Try volunteering if money is not an issue for you.
   • Try to lead a normal lifestyle. Don't view your disability as a personality trait.

   Warnings

   • Always consult a doctor or therapist before making any significant changes in your life.

December 3 is the International Day of Persons with Disabilities. There are many examples where people with disabilities not just survive, but become famous. We have made a selection of several disabled people who have become world famous.

1. Laureate Nobel Prize Stephen William Hawkingstudies the fundamental laws that govern the Universe. He is the owner of twelve honorary academic titles. His books A Multiple History of Time and Black Holes, the Young Universe and Other Essays became bestsellers. With all this, at the age of 20, Hawking was almost completely paralyzed due to the development of an incurable form of atrophying sclerosis and remains in this condition for the rest of his life. Only the fingers of his right hand move, with which he controls his moving chair and a special computer that speaks for him.

Nobel Prize winner Stephen William Hawking studies the fundamental laws that govern the Universe

2. One of the famous blind people is the clairvoyant Vanga. At the age of 12, Vanga lost her sight due to a hurricane that threw her hundreds of meters. They found her only in the evening with her eyes filled with sand. Her father and stepmother were unable to provide treatment and Vanga became blind. She came to attention during World War II when rumors spread through villages that she could locate missing people, whether they were alive or where they had died.

One of the famous blind people is the clairvoyant Vanga

3. Ludwig van Beethoven- German composer, representative of the Viennese classical school. In 1796, already a famous composer, Beethoven began to lose his hearing: he developed tinitis - inflammation inner ear. By 1802, Beethoven was completely deaf, but it was from this time that the composer created his most famous works. In 1803-1804 Beethoven wrote the “Eroica Symphony”, in 1803-1805 - the opera “Fidelio”. In addition, at this time Beethoven wrote piano sonatas from “Twenty-eighth” to the last - “Thirty-second”, two cello sonatas, quartets, and the vocal cycle “To a Distant Beloved”. Being completely deaf, Beethoven created two of his most monumental works - “Solemn Mass” and “Ninth Symphony with Chorus” (1824).

Ludwig van Beethoven - German composer, representative of the Viennese classical school

4. Pilot Alexey Maresyev, based on whose story “The Tale of a Real Man” was written, he was very active all his life and fought for the rights of people with disabilities. He is one of the few who passed a medical examination after amputation and began to fly with prosthetics. After the war, Maresyev traveled a lot and became an honorary citizen of many cities. He became living proof that circumstances can be overcome.

Pilot Alexey Maresyev, based on whose story “The Tale of a Real Man” was written, was very active all his life and fought for the rights of people with disabilities

5. Franklin Delano Roosevelt- 32nd President of the United States - was also disabled. In 1921, Roosevelt became seriously ill with polio. Despite years of efforts to overcome the disease, Roosevelt remained paralyzed and confined to wheelchair. Some of the most significant pages in history are associated with his name foreign policy and US diplomacy, in particular the establishment and normalization diplomatic relations with the Soviet Union and US participation in the anti-Hitler coalition.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt - 32nd President of the United States

6. Ray Charles famous American blind musician, author of more than 70 studio albums, one of the world's most famous performers of music in the styles of soul, jazz and rhythm and blues, was awarded 17 Grammy Awards, entered the rock and roll and jazz halls of fame , country and blues, his recordings have been included in the Library of Congress. He went blind as a child.

Ray Charles, famous American blind musician

7. Eric Weihenmayer- the world's first rock climber to reach the top of Everest while blind. He lost his sight when he was 13 years old. Onako Eric completed his studies, and then became a teacher himself high school, then a wrestling coach and world-class athlete. Director Peter Winter made a live-action television film about Weihenmayer's journey, "Touch the Top of the World." In addition to Everest, Weihenmayer has conquered the seven highest mountain peaks in the world, including Kilimanjaro and Elbrus.

Eric Weihenmayer is the world's first rock climber to reach the summit of Everest while blind.

8. Oscar Pistorius disabled since birth. This man has achieved outstanding results in a field where traditionally people with disabilities cannot compete with able-bodied people. Having no legs below the knee, he became a track and field runner, and after numerous victories in competitions for the disabled, he won the right to compete with completely healthy athletes and achieved great success. He is also a promoter of sports among people with disabilities, an active participant in support programs for the disabled, and a unique symbol of how much success a person with physical disabilities can achieve, even in such a specific area as sports.

Oscar Pistorius, disabled since birth

9. Blind American Musician, Stevie Wonder, who had a huge influence on the development of music of the 20th century as a whole, was one of the founders of classic soul and R’n’B. Stevie Wonder is in second place among pop musicians in terms of the number of Grammy awards he has received: he received them 25 times, including for life achievements. The musician went blind shortly after birth.

Another blind American musician - Stevie Wonder

10. Irishman Christy Brown, unlike previous famous disabled people, he was born with disabilities - he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Doctors considered it unpromising - the child could not walk or even move, and was developmentally delayed. But the mother did not abandon him, but cared for the baby and did not give up hope of teaching him to walk, talk, write, and read. Her action deserves deep respect - Brown's family was very poor, and his father did not accept his “inferior” son at all. In fact, Brown only controlled his left leg fully. And it was with it that he began to draw and write, mastering first chalk, then a brush, then a pen and a typewriter. He not only learned to read, speak and write, but also became a famous artist and short story writer. The film Christy Brown: My Life was made about his life. left leg", the script for which was written by Brown himself.

Irishman Christy Brown, unlike previous famous disabled people, was born with disabilities

Andrey Detzel

It's no secret that in modern world There is a certain “beauty standard”. And if you want to succeed, to become famous, be kind enough to meet this standard. However, it is very pleasant that from time to time people appear who say to hell with all these standards and conventions and simply go towards their goal no matter what. Such people deserve respect.

Winnie Harlow

A professional model originally from Canada, who suffers from vitiligo, a skin pigmentation disorder associated with a lack of melanin. This disease is expressed almost only in external effects and has almost no cure. Vinny dreamed of becoming a model since childhood and persistently pursued her goal. As a result, she became the first girl in the serious modeling business with this disease.

Peter Dinklage

He is best known for his role as Tyrion Lannister in the series Game of Thrones. Dinklage was born with hereditary disease- achondroplasia, leading to dwarfism. His height is 134 cm. Despite the fact that both his parents are of average height, as is his brother Jonathan.

RJ Mitt

He is best known for his role as Walter White Jr. in the television series Breaking Bad. Like his character in Breaking Bad, Mitt suffers from childhood cerebral palsy. Due to cerebral palsy, signals reach the brain more slowly, since at birth his brain was damaged due to lack of oxygen. As a result of his musculoskeletal system and the ability to control one's muscles were impaired. For example, the hand twitches uncontrollably. However, this does not in the least prevent the 23-year-old guy from acting in films and producing films.

Henry Samuel

Better known by his pseudonym Seal. British singer and songwriter, winner of three Grammy music awards and several Brit Awards. The scars on his face are the result skin disease, known as discoid lupus erythematosus (DLE). He suffered from this disease as a teenager and suffered greatly due to the scars that appeared on his face. Now the singer is sure that they give him a certain charm.

Forest Whitaker

American actor, director, producer. Winner of Oscar, Golden Globe, BAFTA and Emmy awards. He became the fourth African American to win an Oscar for Best Actor. Forest suffers from ptosis in his left eye - congenital disease oculomotor nerve. However, many critics and viewers often note that this gives it a certain mystery and charm. At the same time, the actor himself is considering the possibility of corrective surgery. True, according to his statement, the purpose of the operation is not cosmetic at all, but purely medical - ptosis worsens the field of vision and contributes to the degradation of vision itself.

Jamel Debbouze

French actor, producer, showman of Moroccan origin. In January 1990 (that is, at the age of 14), Jamel injured his hand while playing railway tracks in the Paris metro. As a result, the arm has stopped developing and he cannot use it. Since then he almost always keeps right hand in the pocket. However, this does not in the least prevent him from remaining one of the most sought-after actors in France to this day.

Donald Joseph Qualls

Better known as DJ Qualls, he is an American actor and producer. Qualls' most popular role is considered to be the title role in the Edward Decter film Tough Guy. Many who see him in films cannot help but notice Qualls' unusual thinness. The reason for this is cancer. At age 14, Qualls was diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphogranulomatosis ( malignancy lymphoid tissue). The treatment turned out to be quite successful, and after two years of fighting the disease, remission occurred. This episode in his life served as the beginning of DJ’s activities to support the foundation, which is fighting this disease.

Zinovy ​​Gerdt

A magnificent Soviet and Russian theater and film actor, People's Artist of the USSR. In addition to his acting career, Zinovy ​​Efimovich, like many in those days, had to engage in other, not so peaceful activities; he was a participant in the Great Patriotic War. On February 12, 1943, on the approaches to Kharkov, while clearing enemy minefields for the passage of Soviet tanks, he was seriously wounded in the leg by a fragment of a tank shell. After eleven operations, Gerdt was spared his damaged leg, which has since been 8 centimeters shorter than the healthy one and forced the artist to limp heavily. It was difficult for him to even just walk, but the actor did not slack and did not spare himself on the set.

Sylvester Stallone

A striking example of the fact that any disadvantage, if desired, can be turned into an advantage. At the birth of Sylvester, doctors, using obstetric forceps, caused him injury, damaging facial nerves. The result is partial paralysis of the lower left side of the face and slurred speech. It would seem that you can forget about an acting career with such problems. However, Sly still managed to break through, choosing the role of a brutal guy who doesn’t need to talk much on camera, his muscles will do everything for him.

Nick Vujicic

Nick was born into a family of Serbian immigrants. From birth I had a rare genetic pathology- tetraamelia: the boy was missing full limbs - both arms and both legs. Partially there was one foot with two fused toes. As a result, it is this foot after surgical intervention and separation of fingers, allowed Nick to learn to walk, swim, skateboard, surf, play on a computer and write. After worrying about his disability as a child, he learned to live with his disability, sharing his experiences with others and becoming a world-renowned motivational speaker. His speeches are mainly addressed to children and youth (including those with disabilities), in the hope of intensifying their search for the meaning of life and developing their abilities.

- not a death sentence, and you can work with her, play sports, have a family, give birth to children. But society and the authorities make disability a problem, limiting our freedom of choice and the right to privacy. The most offensive and painful thing is that our parents begin to limit your freedom, build prohibitions and stereotypes. They call you a cripple, a good-for-nothing “vegetable,” even if you do everything yourself, and have achieved, or are achieving everything yourself. For example, I have been fighting all my life for the right to live like all healthy people, to have a family, to work, to raise a child, proving, first of all, to my parents that I am not a cripple, but a Human. But it is difficult to force people brought up under Soviet power to see us not as weak, but as normal... people. Unfortunately, they see in us only cripples, not people, and are not able to change their minds. This is the problem of both parents and society as a whole, and not only ours, but also the Western one……. Until the world understands one simple truth that all people are equal and have equal rights, responsibilities, etc., parents will despotically suppress any desire disabled person live like everyone else healthy.

Not long ago I read an article by a guy in at a young age suffered a stroke. His name isDenis Semenov. He described the mistakes most often made by parents and relatives of a disabled person. And I want all parents, not just mine, who have disabled children, or relatives with disabilities, would read it and wonder if they are doing everything right? Maybe you should change your attitude towards a Person with Disabilities?

There was a problem in the family, close person became disabled. That happens. This happened to me too. Exactly five years ago I lay in a coma, from which I emerged into a completely different life, and the life of my family also became completely different. Together we had a lot to understand, a lot to learn anew. Today I want to talk about common mistakes that loved ones of a disabled person make.

Construction of walls

This happens involuntarily, of course. But relatives of a person who has become disabled begin to build an invisible wall between their family and the rest of the world. Perhaps this is their way of trying to protect themselves. They may reject other people's help, be embarrassed to invite people into their home, withdraw into their grief - not understanding the pain this causes to you. Moreover, such a wall separates the disabled person from members of his own family, which makes him feel even more lonely.

My heavy cross

At a certain point, I discovered that you can’t just live under the same roof with me, you can only “look after” me. Even when I stopped needing diapers, spoon feeding, I learned to walk again and began to do some homework, they didn’t express themselves differently about me. The feeling that you are a heavy burden, a cross that your loved ones are now forced to drag through life, does not add to your joy. Even if this is the case, even if your relative really needs constant care, try to prevent him from feeling like someone’s unbearable burden.

Sit, I'm on my own

Just stare at the TV.

That’s what the Tyumen doctors wrote to me at the IPR ( individual program rehabilitation) in the column “sociocultural” - “watching television programs is recommended”: - both laughter and sin, given that I don’t watch TV at all, precisely because of its ability to dull, lull and kill the desire for any activity.

This is how the terrible thing is born - “disabled thinking”, when “I am disabled, everyone owes me, and let this world revolve around me.” Needless to say, the universe lives according to its own laws.

By the way, no one has canceled the concept of “fine motor skills”. Everyday activities, even the smallest ones, are very useful for its development.

If…

Reasoning that “it was necessary to do this in that situation, and that in that situation” is probably correct, but, alas, fruitless. We are not living in the past. And now there is the main thing - a living person. Think about it, a third of strokes end in death in the first month. And here is a survivor. That is, I. Isn't this a reason for joy: alive! Yes, the ambulance arrived late, yes, the operation was performed a few days later, yes, meaningful rehabilitation actually began years later. There's probably a chance that today I could run, jump and do somersaults. But the past cannot be returned. The main thing is that I have the present.

It's my own fault

The search for someone to blame can lead to even more unpleasant consequences. Since the past can be foggy, which is why the outlines of the search can be very unsteady, the disabled person himself is here, here, and, therefore, all the blame for what happened can be placed on him. It’s very scary to hear the phrase: “Why did I invest so much in you!” You feel worthless, powerless, poisoning everything around you.

A person with disabilities cannot always stand up for himself, especially immediately after an experience. And he can believe that yes, the true culprit of all the troubles that have befallen him is himself. He has more than enough time for such “fruitful” thoughts and feeding the destructive feeling of guilt.

This is scary because the doors to the future are closed in front of a person, and he begins to live only in the past, constantly picking at his wound. This should not be allowed, so please be more careful. Even if he himself is to blame (for example, he dived in the wrong place), he has already been punished enough.

Return to the beautiful yesterday

This is probably done with the best intentions, but... Constantly remembering loved ones about how good it was “before...” does not make the life of a disabled person better.

According to the waves of their memory, the relatives of the disabled person float to where there were diapers, and today's disabled person was a rosy-cheeked baby for whom “everything was fine.” He learned to read, went to music school, showed promise and was generally a child prodigy. Was. And here is the same advice as above. Return to the “now” more often.

Return to a terrible yesterday

All my life I will be grateful to my parents for what they did for me when I was between life and death (closer to the latter option). But this, thank God, is in the past: intensive care, my mother’s sleepovers on chairs, my father’s lessons in walking on crutches, fussing with my feeding and breathing tubes. Terrible time. But why do they return there so often? “Do you remember how we were flying home from St. Petersburg and they didn’t want to put you on the plane?”, “Do you remember how I slept on chairs for three months and spoon-fed you?”, “And how we first got to the bus stop, and how rejoiced you were?” I remember. But I don't want to alwaysreturn thoughts to that terrible dream.

The psychologist wife explains: this is a trauma, it must be experienced. But for a disabled person this is a much greater trauma. Try to bore him as little as possible with such memories.

In front of you is a disabled person of such and such group"

This is what my wife sometimes says (a psychologist, as I already said), for example, when on the subway someone wants to sit in the seat that I have already taken. Or when my rights are somehow violated. At the same time, she knows perfectly well that I can stand up if necessary. He also knows that there is no need to remind me once again that I am disabled. He even writes articles on this topic. And he also writes about the fact that the word “disabled” is generally quite offensive. But the unconscious desire to protect overpowers knowledge. No need to defend me. Nobody offends me!

"Go?"

Words in general are a terrible thing. For some it’s a small thing, they said it and forgot, but for a person with a disability it’s painful and offensive. Recently, one wheelchair user wrote to me in a letter: “The seemingly ordinary phrase: “Well, let’s go,” means a lot to a wheelchair user. I really want to hear these words! But no, they will definitely say: “Well, let’s go?”

Check, check a hundred times what you say to a disabled person. Listen to yourself.

Dressed - and okay

I for a long time I didn’t pay attention to it, there was no time for that. But I recently realized how important it is for a person with disabilities to be neatly and, if possible, beautifully dressed, shaved, combed, etc. Even if he sits at home all the time, even if there is no one to watch him.

Unfortunately, very often such people wear some kind of rags - and don’t even pay attention to it, just like I did in my time. I had only awkward oversized jeans (for going out and growing up), the same sneakers, and a single old sweater. Everything else is homemade, you can’t look at it without tears and you can’t go out into the street wearing it. In such clothes you feel like a prisoner imprisoned for life. He has no future, no prospects, he is locked in a cell and will never have anything else. No wonder they put ugly uniforms on prisoners. It doesn’t just make it more difficult to escape, it is also a punishment – ​​a moral one.

Buy your loved one normal clothes - comfortable and even fashionable. You will see that this is important to him.

Cheese or sausage?

In the life of a disabled person there is much less freedom than other people. Including freedom of choice. He lives according to a routine, like Rain Man, and over time he gets used to it. Give him the opportunity to choose at least something. The breakfast menu, the style of the jacket you will buy him, the color of the wallpaper in his room if you are planning to renovate. When they finally started asking me about something, I realized that I had completely forgotten how to choose. I'm studying now - and I like it.

Let me sneeze!

“For every sneeze you can’t say hello,” says the saying. No matter how it is. Relatives find strength and time for this. As soon as I just clear my throat, I immediately hear a barrage of questions about my health. But from an ordinary sore throat to a hospital bed is a long way. How can I convey this idea to my loved ones: don’t worry in vain!

“A normal person can sneeze as much as you like,” they will tell me, “but you must take into account ... etc. and so on." It's time to howl from these lectures. After all, we want nothing more in the world than to be “normal.”

You shouldn’t constantly remind your loved one about their health - there is much more interesting topics. In addition, there is a danger that, tired of being constantly tugged at, he will simply hide his well-being from you, and this, indeed, can be fraught.

Daughters and mothers

“Are our shoes too tight? Wasn't it cold for us outside? Isn’t the porridge hot?” Ordinary people hear these questions only in early childhood. We are doomed to always answer them - at 30, 40, and 50 years old... Even for those closest to us, a disabled person is often not the same person as them, just with physical features, and the baby. But how you don’t want to fall back into childhood and become a living doll!

Educational program

Not all relatives of people with disabilities understand the intricacies of rehabilitation, although it is certainly necessary to undergo the necessary educational program, because this process must be continuous. But often, especially in the provinces, your family will rehabilitate you solely based on their own ideas about illness and health. My father is sure that the best thing for a stroke patient is a bathhouse and weight training machines. My mother is sure that the paresis will pass as soon as the muscles become stronger, and every time she meets me she tries to urgently fatten me up. We don't see each other often; she lives in another city. She buys more and more new products, not noticing that they no longer fit in the refrigerator, and even more so in my stomach. He gets offended when I try to resist: “If you don’t eat, where will the strength come from to recover?” Unfortunately, such “rehabilitation” does not improve my health - just extra pounds, which I don’t need at all.

Okyushki

Mom can be forgiven for everything, but what sometimes really jars is the feigned cheerfulness.

In the summer, I was in the hospital and friends came to see my neighbor, a former taxi driver. “It’s okay, we’re so old, in a year at most we’ll be traveling together again! AND New Year Let’s celebrate for real, not with lemonade.” He was silent and just sighed quietly, realizing that he would never drive again, and drinking would simply kill him.

And my school friend found the following words of support: “It’s not so bad to be disabled. You don’t need to go to work, you don’t need anything, mind your own business, surf the Internet, the state gives you food and drink.” Positive thinking In action! I suggested that he change places...

Stop sign

Well, the most terrible point. When your loved ones refuse to see you - the way you have become - the same person you were before. And most importantly, they don’t see your future. And, the worst thing is, if you believe this nonsense yourself. “Nonsense,” I say, because I’ve been through it myself. There is always a future. Even if they say with skepticism: “The future? In the sick?! When healthy man I’m not sure about the future!” There is a wide scope for discussion here, but that’s a completely different story...

I am not at all sure that these points will eliminate misunderstandings in the family. Moreover, each disabled person will have their own list of dos and don'ts. But I have no doubt about one thing: if there is love and respect, this is the main thing. However, the presence/absence of love is a special topic that concerns not only disabled people...

Typically, people become disabled after car accidents and other disasters if their spinal cord is damaged. Approximately 85 percent of damage spinal cord happens in men. Most of them became disabled in adolescence or when they were a little over twenty years old. And all this is only because men are prone to risks associated with speed or transport accidents. In addition to wounds, injuries and bruises received during sports, and injuries resulting from car accidents, disability can occur from wounds from firearms or knives, or injuries received in fights.

Disability may result from underlying conditions such as arthritis, which can make vaginal intercourse extremely painful or cause your fingers to become so cramped that you can't even masturbate. Polio can make you unable to walk or breathe normally, and over time it can cause major problems with your health (post-polio syndrome). Diabetes can cause a man to lack erections, but this usually does not prevent him from having an orgasm. Multiple sclerosis, cancer And various ways their treatments may also affect a person's ability to have sex.

There are many genetic or internal defects that can make a person frail and disabled. For example, some chromosomal abnormalities can cause problems with physical growth human body or cause violations in mental development. Congenital defects can lead to a person becoming a dwarf (and this is one of the unsolved problems of medicine). Clogging of the parent body with toxins and chemicals, and medications taken by pregnant women may cause birth defects in newborn children.

Note:

If you watch a talk show on TV, something like Jerry Springer's talk show (Jerry Springer) then you might think that Siamese twins are born every five minutes, although this is not at all true. And this is the type of disability that completely deprives a person of the opportunity to meet another person and be alone with him.

In addition, there are people whose genitals are born with defects. In this case we are talking about hermaphrodites.

Spinal cord injury (abbreviations):

When people with spinal cord injuries talk to other people with spinal cord injuries, they sometimes use certain abbreviations such as "I– S-4" or "Ya-T-3". This code relates to the location of the injury on the spinal cord. For example, C-4 is trauma upper section spinal cord (neck area), abbreviation T-3 means injury located below. In other words, a person with a C-4 injury is paralyzed from the shoulders down (quadriplegia), while a person with a T-3 injury is able to move their arms (paraplegia). And then there is L-4 - damage to the area of ​​the spinal cord located between the ribs and the pelvis, which means that the part of the body that is located above this area functions normally. In addition, it always matters how severely a given area of ​​the spinal cord is injured.

Note about codes:

We thank Tom Street for this information. Tom himself has a C-4 injury after car accident, which occurred in 1988. Tom makes computer mice for paraplegics called "QuadJoy". This is a special mouse, according to Tom, that allows the user to control the computer with their mouth. All operations associated with pressing mouse keys and moving objects from place to place are carried out by sniffing or sucking the tip of the joystick. This has especially great importance for those paralytics who take part in computer chats, as well as for those who visit various sites, including pornographic ones. Using the QuadJoy mouse, a paralyzed person can do this in PRIVATE, without the help of a third party. You can contact Tom online at: www.quadjoy.com.