Co-sleeping with a child: pros, cons, useful recommendations from a child psychologist. Co-sleeping: myths and reality

The long-awaited miracle has finally appeared in the house! With the arrival of a new resident, everything in the family changes; parents have thousands of questions about caring for and raising their child. Problem co-sleeping with a child is quite relevant. Most babies prefer to sleep with their parents, expressing dissatisfaction when they are put in a cradle. They act up, cry and protest in other ways (depending on their age). But there are also those who resign themselves to the will of their parents and get used to sleeping separately. Some babies sleep in their crib within a week, others take months to get used to, and sometimes they can’t get used to the cradle at all. Should you put your baby to sleep in a separate crib or should you give in and take him into your own bed?

A little history

Pros and cons of co-sleeping

1. Restful sleep mother and child. There is no need to get up several times a night to rock the baby; more time is left for sleep, which is very important for a young mother. The child’s feeling of security and calm when the mother is nearby, and, as a result, the absence of worries, has a beneficial effect on sleep.
2. The mother’s bodily sensation, both day and night, contributes to proper development nervous system. Direct touch is very important for the child, since he does not yet separate the mother’s body and his body. The world is known through sensations, because what the eyes see is not always clear, especially since in a dream the visual perception of the world is for obvious reasons, It does not work.
3. The ability to put the baby to the breast without getting out of bed. The need for sucking is satisfied, which is especially important at night. A baby who sleeps with his mother suckles more often than one who sleeps alone. The child gets more breast milk, the benefits of which are unnecessary to talk about.
4. The child easily falls asleep next to his mother and wakes up less often. A certain routine and habit of falling asleep with mom is developed. Any, the best lullaby in the cradle will not replace mother’s hands, hugs, affection and warmth. Better yet, fall asleep with your mother listening to a lullaby!
5. Sleeping together makes it easier to overcome. The first fear appears around the age of about a year, when the baby realizes that he and his mother are not one whole. Next comes the fear of the dark, certain objects, associations, etc. The constant presence of the mother gives confidence in oneself, in the world around us, and peace.
6. Maintaining lactation for more long period. Prolactin (the hormone responsible for milk production) is produced during night feedings.
7. Mother's affection is very important especially for babies with birth injuries, premature and born by caesarean section. Therefore, sleeping together for such children is an additional portion of love and energy that they so need.
One interesting fact can be cited in favor of co-sleeping, which researchers Lewis and Janda came to in 1988. They conducted a survey among university students, 77 men and 133 women, future psychologists. The test survey concerned childhood sexuality. After studying the results, Lewis and Janda concluded that the sight of naked parents and co-sleeping did not negatively affect the development of children's sexuality. And even more, boys do not have any problems communicating with the opposite sex, they are more relaxed and, as young men, more confident in themselves. The same applies to girls. As they grew older, they became more sexual and had no problems sexual relations and in general in communication with boys. The researchers also note that the only negative point that they paid attention to, but which they did not (or could not) confirm, is that boys are more prone to casual relationships, and girls begin early sex life. Negative sides co-sleeping:
1. There is an opinion that children who are accustomed to sleeping with their parents are much more attached to their mother than those who are accustomed to a crib. They begin to feel the need for increased attention to yourself, but this goes away with age.
2. Children get used to falling asleep, sleeping and waking up with their parents. For them it becomes a normal life ritual. And, growing up, they still don’t want to change anything, they strongly protest if they try to “relocate” them, even when they are already at a conscious, quite adult age.
3. Sleeping with dad can be dangerous for a child, especially the first six months of life. Unlike the mother, the father does not have the instinct that forces him to react to the baby’s every move. Therefore, in this case, when dad sleeps with the baby, it is better to place the child between the wall and the mother.
4. In some families, intimate problems arise when sleeping together with a child. Parents are embarrassed intimacy next to the baby, they are afraid to wake him up, hurt him, disturb him, etc.
Other reasons why parents refuse to co-sleep with their baby are individual and not widespread, so they are not included in this list.

Tips for organizing a child's sleep in the parent's bed

The first thing you should pay attention to is sleep hygiene. It is unacceptable to put a child in a dirty or unclean bed. Bed linen should not only be clean, but also well ironed. It is also important for parents to maintain personal hygiene. Very important point, concerning not only the cleanliness of the body, but the absence of various “foreign” odors, such as perfume and cologne. Not only will this smell be unpleasant for the baby, but it can also cause anxiety and agitation, which will certainly affect the child’s sleep. You may already know this and understand perfectly well the need for hygiene, however, MirSovetov considers it useful to remind you of such things.
When choosing a place to sleep together with your baby, you need to take into account the baby's needs. You should not put your child in bed with a spring mattress. Pediatricians recommend solid and smooth surfaces For baby sleep, because the baby's spine is formed and strengthened. A pillow is also not needed, if you do put it, then only on the nursery. A sofa or sofa can also be a nighttime “haven” if its padding allows it. Place a cushion on the side and prop it up with chairs to protect the baby’s sleep, or immediately place it between the wall and yourself. You can also move the crib by removing one of the sides, but only if it fits closely to the adult bed.
When choosing a blanket, it is advisable to give preference to types that are not fluffy and not too large. A smooth, medium-sized blanket, a must for the season - the most best option. The baby will not be able to get entangled in it, bury his nose in the blanket, he will be neither hot nor cold. And if he gets hot, the child will instinctively try to open up, and therefore it is better to use a light blanket.
In general, the temperature in the room should correspond to the weather outside; in winter there is no need to heat it so that it is too hot, and in summer you do not need to turn on the air conditioner so that it is too cold. The optimal temperature for a child under 6 months is + 22 C, over 6 months – +19-20 C. It is advisable to ventilate the room 4-6 times a day so that the air is always fresh, but not cold. The humidity in the room should not exceed 70%.
Mom's clothes should be natural, without the addition of synthetic materials (not to mention the baby's clothes). A large cutout on the chest will make night feeding easier. It is better to avoid wide sweaters and T-shirts - they will collect on the stomach, the child’s legs can get tangled and wake him up. It is best to choose nightgowns for nursing mothers that are made specifically for the comfort of the woman and baby. Before going to bed, be sure to stock up on several diapers, nappies and a change of clothes for your baby.
And the most important rule for the safety of co-sleeping is that you should never put a child in the parents’ bed if the parents are under the influence of sleeping pills, alcohol or other drugs.
Having organized safe conditions for your baby, you can safely enjoy sleeping together, giving your baby your love and warmth not only during the day, but also at night!

How to teach your baby to sleep in his own crib

It will take a lot of effort and time to accustom your child to his crib. MirSovetov must say that the main task in this matter is not to suppress the baby’s desire to sleep with his parents, but to instill confidence that his own crib is no worse, and maybe even better, than his parents’. Threats and prohibitions in this matter are categorically unacceptable. The child must understand that this is not a punishment or the parents’ desire to get rid of him, but just natural behavior.
First of all, you should enlist the support of the whole family. Mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather, sisters and brothers (adults) must be united in this matter. Only by uniting can you achieve success, and in the case when the mother puts her to bed and the grandmother takes her in, only unnecessary problems. The baby immediately understands weakness"in the family and in the future does not neglect his “trump card”.
Parents must be persistent and firm in their demands. Once you decide to teach it, there is no turning back. An insecure dad and a mother who gives in to persuasion and crying will not add to their authority in the eyes of the child. You need to insist on your own affectionately, but firmly, as if making it clear that “it cannot be any other way.”
The “ritual” system works very well. Before going to bed, mother and child perform a certain procedure. For example, they play calm games, bathe, massage with baby milk, read a book, turn off the lights together and listen to a lullaby. This system accustoms the child to a certain discipline and becomes a habit. Having got used to it, the child automatically gets ready for bed as soon as the mother begins her “ritual”.
For older children, you can offer to choose a crib or bedding together. The child himself will choose what he likes, and, accordingly, “like an adult” he will sleep alone. In general, it is very important for children to feel their “adulthood” and trust from their parents. Therefore, by talking to the baby “like an adult”, explaining that he is already big and therefore should sleep separately, you can also achieve results.
To make the “move” easier for a child, he needs someone who will take on part of the “ordeal.” This someone could be, for example, a teddy bear specially purchased for this purpose. Or any other child’s favorite hero, whom you will go and buy together as a new assistant friend.
If no method helps, the child does not want to sleep alone (especially in older preschool age), you should contact a neurologist. The reason for this behavior may be different, from a lack of fresh air(the child does not walk much) to an unsatisfied need for parental attention (perhaps the baby does not have enough attention, affection, etc.). In any case, consultation with a doctor is required, because this behavior may hide a complex psychological problem.

Afterword

Every mother knows and feels her child best. Some people calmly and patiently teach their baby to sleep in a crib, while others see the need for co-sleeping. Best advice in such a situation, she will listen to her maternal instinct, and not neglect her feelings for the sake of the next new trends. For example, it used to be believed that a child must be fed by the hour, and nothing else, but now scientists say that the baby’s body itself knows when it needs milk, and feeding should be “on demand.” Therefore, while there are no clear medical prohibitions or recommendations regarding co-sleeping, it is better for the mother to do what she feels will be best for her baby. After all, the happiness and comfort of the child is the most important and final goal of all disputes and questions about co-sleeping.

A little about myself:

For as long as I can remember, I have never slept as soundly as in my parents’ bed. As an adult and visiting my mother, I no, no, I’ll sleep on her pillow. And so much strength comes! Nothing surprising. The strongest bond between people is the bond between parents and children. I notice that my sons often snore sweetly on my bed.

Before the birth of my first child, many, including pediatricians, told me that children should be taught to sleep only in their own crib. This should foster independence and responsibility. I agreed with them while it was a theory. After giving birth, the son established his own rules in the house. Listening to him scream for hours in the cradle and look at me with blue reproach was beyond my strength. No more than half an hour later the son was asleep deep sleep on my bed.

What is the child looking for?

1. It's warmer and safer with mom.
2. The emotional connection did not break with the umbilical cord.
3. Man, although small, is a social creature.
4. The parental aura protects on an energetic level.

My husband, after night shift, was forced to carry my son back to the cradle. Over time, I noticed that every night morning sleep did not exist in the family. The child woke up and woke everyone up. Over time, youth won, and the husband had no choice but to move to another room for several years. Calm reigned in the family.

What did I buy

I noticed that sleeping next to my son is somehow healing. It's arrived

• calmness;
• attitude towards people has become more equal;
• maternal feelings acquired conscious depth;
• My son and I began to understand each other on a subconscious level without words;
• Feelings for my husband became more serious.

Yes, yes, through tenderness and love for the child, I realized how strong my attachment to my husband, the father of my son, how much stronger our feelings became.

Two are not a family yet

It came by chance, suddenly. Looking at my men, small and large, who eventually peacefully shared a place next to me, I realized that happiness had settled. There is an age in a child when it is vital for him to be closer to his parents. You can't deprive him of this to please scientific theories and pedagogical inventions. Everything must obey the laws of nature. This is my firm belief as a mother of four sons.

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...

Several years passed, and my son no longer ran to our bed in the morning. He became an “adult”, independent. And there is no need to prevent this either. The child has moved to a new stage in his development as an individual.

Like a carbon copy, this story was repeated with my other sons.

Is there any harm in sleeping together?

In my experience, I have not noticed such harm. In theory, there probably is:

• you can accidentally hit a child in a dream, crush him with your weight;
• the relationship between parents may be upset;
• Selfish notes may appear in the child’s character.

I’ll say one thing, every family should have its own recipes. proper education children, based on traditions, pedagogical experience and reasonable, attentive attitude towards each other.

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Co-sleeping. Pediatrician's view

Exist different opinions regarding co-sleeping with your baby. Does it influence the development of a child’s independence? At what age should a child be weaned from co-sleeping? How to do it? Violetta Kulishova talked with two specialists: pediatrician Natalya Anatolyevna Zelenikina and psychologist, consultant on breastfeeding Lapshina Anna. Which opinion to listen to is up to you!

The existence of mental connections between people is an indisputable fact that almost everyone knows about. Stories about a person’s ability to feel that someone close to them is in trouble will not be news to anyone, and everyone knows about the special telepathic connection between the closest relatives. However, few people know that one of the most simple ways telepathic communication with another person - sharing a dream with him.

Co-sleeping can be defined as a combination of a lucid dream with a mental connection with another sleeping person; Some researchers of paired and group dreams consider them to be a type of out-of-body travel. Which of these two theories is closer to the truth is a question to which, unfortunately, the answer has not yet been found. However, the practice of dreaming together after appropriate training is available to every person who has already learned to be aware of and manage dreams.

It is best to practice dreaming together with your friends or relatives - in order for two people to meet in one dream, there must be some kind of connection between them in reality. Since pair sleep is highest level lucid dreams, it is necessary that at least one of those who decided to meet in a dream was perfectly able to control their dreams, and the second had at least minimal skills in dream awareness.

The most simple technique, with the help of which two people can dream together is as follows:

1. Dreamers must first agree on a group dream and on the appointed night try to fall asleep at approximately the same time, and both people must tune in to a lucid dream.

2. A person who is better able to manage his dreams should take on the role of a “leader” - find his dream partner himself in a dream and begin communicating with him. To achieve this goal, you need to enter a state of lucid sleep and call the person with whom you decided to have a common dream by name, while feeling the desire and intention to see it.

3. As a rule, after the “leader” felt the presence of his partner in a dream and saw him, the dream environment will turn out to be alien; will arise Great chance losing your sleeping partner. Therefore, the “leader” must approach the follower and “wake up” him - take him by the hand and, thus, introduce him into a joint dream.

4. When two people are in a dream together, they can begin to communicate. People who practice group dreaming claim that most conversations take place in the form of an exchange of thoughts and emotions; questions and answers are not spoken out loud. The trust dreamers have in each other is prerequisite staying and communicating in a common dream: if one of the dream partners does not have enough trust, a feeling of fear will push him out of sleep and force him to wake up.

Unlike lucid dreams, the setting and scenery of a shared dream, as a rule, do not have of great importance; they are constantly changing, since they depend on the will of not one, but two people. An interesting nuance of joint dreams is the fact that in meetings in a dream there is only the present time (or there is no concept of time at all) - quite often it happens that one of the partners sees a joint dream during the time allotted for practice common dream night, and the second person - the next night or even a few days later.

People who successfully practice group dreams can, over time, reach significant heights in this skill - they are able to come into contact with almost any of their acquaintances in a dream, and in a few moments of communication in a dream, transmit or receive a large amount of information. Shared dreams are a little-studied ability of the human subconscious, but such dreams open up a new level in interpersonal communication for dreamers.

Almost all modern pediatricians welcome co-sleeping with a child. The child needs constant contact with his mother. While still weak and vulnerable, the baby should feel protected.

He needs parental attention for proper neuropsychic development. However, moms have varying opinions about sleeping with their newborn.

Co-sleeping: pros and cons

Most likely, the correct position is somewhere in the middle: sleeping with a child is useful, but only up to a certain age. Of course, sleeping together should not go against the interests of other household members.

Arguments for"

1 Convenience of feeding. The baby will have to be put to the breast quite often at night. If the baby is in bed with his mother, night feedings will not bother anyone. In addition, co-sleeping significantly improves lactation. With a well-established feeding regimen at the correct interval (from 3 to 8 a.m.), the production of the hormone prolactin, which stimulates lactation, will be improved. Prolactin is also a natural contraceptive.

2 Healthy sleep moms. Many women say that they can feed their baby at night, literally half asleep. Indeed, when mom goes to the crib, the sleep phase is interrupted. The body needs to go through a new cycle to achieve deep sleep.

And harmonious sleep is what mothers of infants need most.

Without enough sleep, a woman not only experiences discomfort all day, but also risks dropping her baby. By the way, it can also occur due to poor quality sleep.

3 The child is not hypothermic. The baby also needs the natural warmth of the mother’s body from a physical point of view. When sleeping together, there is no need to wrap the child in a blanket, under which the baby may become too hot.

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4 A breathing rhythm is formed. The baby listens to the rhythmic inhalations and exhalations of the mother and repeats them on a subconscious level. This interesting feature- nothing more than the first breathing exercise child.

5 The baby cries less. A child may become restless in a dream due to various reasons: suffers from colic, the baby is cold or wet. An excellent way to “relieve stress” in such cases is mother’s breasts. Being next to the baby, a woman can react faster than the rest of the family members have time to wake up from the baby’s crying.

Arguments against"

1 There is a possibility of harm to the baby.

Infants are so fragile and delicate that it seems that any awkward movement can hurt them.

But nature itself comes to protect the baby. Mother's dream if she is not under the influence sleeping pills, incredibly sensitive. The woman wakes up from any movement of the baby. Therefore, it is simply impossible to run over a child in a dream.

2 Non-sterile environment. Well-washed bedding contains absolutely no germs that can harm the baby. The child does not need sterile conditions, because his immunity must develop and learn to fight any irritants. Of course, if one of the parents is sick viral diseases, you should not sleep next to your child.

3 Difficulties in intimate life parents. Many families, not unreasonably, believe that personal life and co-sleeping with a child are incompatible things. But the absence of lovemaking in the marital bed while the baby is in it can hardly be called a compelling argument against.

How to wean a child from sleeping with his mother?

Many children tend to strive for independence. Therefore, there are common cases when the baby goes to his crib on his own. What to do if this doesn't happen?

The physiological need to sleep together with the mother disappears in a child by about 1 year. But if you wish, you can transfer your baby to his own crib from 2-3 months.

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The main rule in weaning from co-sleeping is the sequence of actions. Weaning from the parent's bed should not be stressful for the baby.

1. At first, the child can sleep in a separate crib only during the day. Make sure he doesn't feel lonely: you can put a large soft toy nearby.
2. At night, the baby can be placed in a crib located close to the adult bed. In this regard, crib models with removable sides are very convenient - this allows you to combine sleeping places. If the baby tries to move closer to his mother, he should be moved back. When the child gets used to this distance, the side can be returned to its place.
3. Gradually the crib moves away. Increase distance from sleeping place adults need to go very slowly. This method may take several months, but the results are usually positive.
4. To help your child fall asleep better, read your favorite fairy tales or poems to him at night. Be gentle with him: if the baby comes to you in the middle of the night, calmly transfer him to a separate crib. But under no circumstances scold your child.

Co-sleeping with a child is a real miracle. The main thing is to learn to feel the rhythm of sleep and control it. And sleeping with your baby will be the most pleasant experience for you.

Photobank Lori

Psychologists and neonatologists never tire of repeating that close contact between mother and baby from the first days triggers natural mechanisms of mutual attachment, and also favors the neuropsychic development of the child. However, many parents consciously resist this trend by placing babies in separate cribs and even rooms. Their argument is convincing: why teach a child something that will have to be weaned from?

How to understand the problem of co-sleeping? Most likely, the truth lies in the middle: co-sleeping with a child can bring both enormous benefits and harm. The main thing is to try equally respect the interests of all family members. Although it must be said that the very first weeks of a baby’s life are special. His needs during this period cannot be neglected, even in the name of peace between household members.

Well, for those young parents who have not yet decided on their position regarding, we suggest considering all the pros and cons depending on the age of the child.

From birth to two months

The baby really needs to be with his mother all the time. He needs to feel the warmth of her body, hear the familiar beat of her heart, feel the familiar smell and, of course, the taste of milk.

Pros:
co-sleeping satisfies the newborn’s needs for tactile contact, giving him a feeling of comfort and security;
the mother does not get up at night to see the baby, feeds him while half asleep, which means she has the opportunity to get some sleep;
;
the sleep cycles of mother and child are synchronized;
the mother can be sure that the child is not cold;
Oddly enough, babies who sleep next to their mothers suffer from colic much less often, and generally cry less.

Minuses:
hyper-responsible mothers may not get enough sleep for fear of harming the baby;
there may be a danger of overheating for the baby;
the risk of suffocation during sleep, although minimal, is still present (ask the ambulance staff);
dad, unlike mom, may not control himself in his sleep
two adults can be carriers asymptomatic infections(including those transmitted by airborne droplets) and infect the baby through such close contact.

From two months to a year

We can highlight the next stage. The fact is that approximately two months after birth, lactation, as a rule, stabilizes, and the baby can already boast of some successes. He is active, more awake, with feeling good sleeps more soundly. The baby’s innate reflexes gradually fade away, and conditioned ones are developed. This means that it is quite possible for him to sleep in his own crib, if desired.

Pros:
the baby develops a balanced psyche;
Mom continues to get enough sleep;
Teething periods are more relaxed.

Minuses:
a mother who is breastfeeding may perceive any anxiety of the baby as a request to eat and overfeeds him, which is fraught with digestive disorders;
A dad who tries to control himself in his sleep does not get enough sleep.

From one to two years

Children happily continue to sleep in their parents' beds, but this is no longer necessary.

Pros:
maintaining lactation for a longer period;
the child is able to fall asleep anywhere, as long as his mother is nearby (very convenient when traveling);
A close relationship is established between mother and child.

Minuses:
at this age, children who sleep with their parents are more likely to suffer from sleep disorders than those who are taught to sleep separately;
the child develops the habit of falling asleep only in the parent’s bed;
the baby does not develop the ability to fall asleep on his own;
the mother stops getting enough sleep because the child sleeps restlessly;
Dad might get pretty tired of all this.

From two to four years

Co-sleeping can confidently be called optional.

This is clearly not good for marital relationships.